Out of the Mouths of Babes (& Mamas)
“Damn it.” I can still see my three-year-old son as he struggled with the kitten. Looking up, my husband caught my eyes as if to say, “we know where he learned that!” Though it was comical, I was immediately convicted. When my kids were young, I knew they picked up everything that came out of my mouth. Especially if it shouldn’t have. We’ve all heard these stories and if you’re a parent, I’m guessing you have a few of your own. Raising children has a way of humbling us and making us much more self-aware. Especially aware of the power our words hold in our homes.
Some of these words come from us, but sometimes, our kids create a dialogue, that didn’t even come from us. This can be a particularly important area to speak life into. Last year one of my children nonchalantly said that he was “ok with not being smart”. When I asked him why he felt that way, he listed all of the strengths of his siblings and compared them to one of his weaknesses. You can guess how upset this made his mama. In that moment we had a heart to heart so that he could see the truth of his comparison but I also made a mental note to myself. This was an area that needs very intentional words spoken over it.
I have several young adults now and I’m still just as fascinated with watching them grow as I was when they had little squishy faces. Parenting is a bit more complicated though. I’ve been wrestling with my own emotions as one recently left home and another prepares to leave. These years can be very tension-filled and frustrating as kids attempt to assert their independence. Recently it dawned on me though, that much of the tension was actually being fostered by myself (and my husband) in the way we respond to our children. I know what you’re thinking, “How can that be? You’re so old wise!” But alas, it’s true. I am quite literally in the middle of this struggle and I don’t have it all figured out but there is a new awareness. Instead of reacting from my emotions I am trying to intentionally ask, how can I diffuse this? Am I responding with contention? Am I responding with sarcasm?
What I’m finding is that most of my knee-jerk reactions are not life-giving. My flesh responds to sin with more sin and I have to really think before I speak. Imagine that…think before you speak! How many times have we told our children to think before they speak? Is it any wonder that we are asked to do the same and model this behavior? This is true not only times of disagreement, but also in simple communication.
So here I am, trying to make a change so that they will change too. It can be all too easy to feel like this is just the way we are and these almost-adults have already been shaped-that what we say or do now as parents doesn’t matter much. But then again, I’m still failing and learning every day! Growth never ends. And I’d be willing to argue that what we say and do now is every bit as important as when they were younger.
I’m sure I’ve missed some things but I’m getting some things right too. I’ve watched a child calm herself down with my quiet presence and the words that I did not say. I’ve spoken truth into countless debates in our home. And I’ve prayerfully timed my words to diffuse or direct or encourage. The trick is doing better more often.
And that’s the heart of parenting, isn’t it? Do the best you can as much as you can! Remember mama’s, your work is so important. Meditate when you need to. My meditation verse for this season is 1 Peter 3:10.
Whoever desires to love life
and see good days,
let him keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from speaking deceit.
Walking with you ~The Mrs.