Watching for Magic

Confession: I am ruining myself with worry these days. I know I’m not supposed to.  Jesus, my Jesus, who I know and love and choose to follow…He tells me,

“Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more than food and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”

That’s pretty clear.  I hear it.  The words run over and over in my mind.  My own earthly father’s words too, “It’s a battle between your ears, girlie.” And I know I have to win this battle.  But here I am again. 1 a.m. and cannot find rest.

So, what’s got a hold of my thoughts, you ask?  Many things.  Actually, my children, mostly.  I find that even the things that don’t seem to be about them will actually spiral back to my children.  I have a couple of teens now (not sure how that happened so quickly) and every day I feel I am asked to let go in another small way.  Less family time and bit by bit more independent activities and decisions.  Driving.  Working.  Spending time with friends.  It’s beautiful and heart wrenching all in one.  I see their time in the safety of our nest ticking away.  Are they prepared?  Have I used my time with them well?  Are they equipped them to make good choices for their future?  Will they be safe?  Will they find purpose that fulfills them?  Will they find love?  I want so many good things for them.

Worry isn’t new to me.  The worry of a mother often begins before our babes are born.  However, the worry of one’s younger mothering years is simpler.  Tantrums, character issues, reading trouble etc.… Somehow these worries were more black & white.  There is more control over their environments.  Help can be found through a simple google search offering articles, resources and encouragement from experts and like-minded mamas.  Photos of babies and children adorn these resources in a way that is magical and inspiring. 

There is much less magic in the resources for raising teens.  Does it really have to be this way?  There are truly quite a few lovely moments with young adults.  Proud moments when they seek you out in the crowd just to make eye contact and get a wink from you.  Silly moments when they blast a favorite song to sing to you and cheer you up.  Even in hard moments when they come for advice.  It’s not all magic, but there is some there and probably more than we realize.  In an effort to worry less I’m choosing gratitude.  I will count my magical teenage blessings. 

Gratitude and trust.  It all comes down to this.  We have committed our lives to loving these kids.  These beautiful, smart, (and by the grace of God) well-adjusted kids.  Now is the time to trust that their maker knew what He was doing when he gave them to us.  Trust that He will make beauty even from mistakes.  Trust that He is holding them even when we cannot.  With gratitude we must trust His plan for their lives.